Why People Don’t Change and How They Can.

Do you know the #1 reason why people don’t make and sustain the changes they desire in their lives? Whether we’re talking about relationships, money, weight, health or career … No matter how smart we are, no matter how well-intentioned we are, if we don’t address this one thing, we’ll keep ourselves playing small, much smaller than we need to.

Inside every one of us is the desire to live a truly fulfilling life. I believe that God knows our full potential because we were all created with a unique blue print designed especially for us. We are not like anyone else, and we’re not supposed to be. Every snow flake is unique and so are we.

I work with high-achieving clients who yearn to express their full Authentic Self in their relationships, in their work, and as parents.

The most common thing that stops people is fear. Fear that they will hurt someone’s feelings. Fear that if they tell the truth, they will be rejected. Fear that they will fail. Fear that they will succeed. Fear that they will have to make a radical change.  Fear of the unknown.

Let me correct that statement. It’s not really fear that is the culprit. It’s the avoidance of dealing with fear constructively.  Most of us don’t know how to stay fully present in our bodies in the midst of fear unless we have been trained to do so. If you want personal mastery, you must learn how to do this. It’s a required course. You must learn how to stay fully connected to your Authentic Self and with God even in your darkest emotions, and keep the energy open and flowing in your body. Then you will be empowered and free.

Let me get back to one particular fear: the fear that other people’s feelings will be hurt if you tell the whole truth. In the beginning of our work together, clients often feel guilty if they tell the whole truth about what they really want, what they really think, and how they really feel. They don’t want their loved ones to feel hurt. They feel responsible for their feelings. That’s a natural place to begin. We call it co-dependence.

With professional counseling and life coaching, you learn that you are not responsible for others feelings. But you are responsible for expressing yourself in a healthy way, speaking for yourself, and not putting others down. You are responsible for being aware of your core values and what motivates you to shine as brightly as you can. You are responsible for feeling what you feel in the midst of your partner feeling hurt. Stay present. Stay conscious. Breathe.

Here’s a metaphor: When you polish your facet of the diamond, the whole diamond shines more brightly. That diamond is the sea of humanity, and you contribute to that diamond. Playing small doesn’t help the world, or your family, or your friends. There is no such thing as being selfish when you realize what an important part you have to play. Take your part seriously please.

Command the courage to fully be your Authentic Self and fully show up. Pray that God fill you and surround you with unconditional love. Breathe it into the cells of your body. Let it expand your heart with the compassion to empathize with others, and live your own life. Stop losing yourself in relationships. Be true to yourself. In so doing, you contribute to raising of consciousness on the planet.

God’s got a plan. Are you playing your part? Do you know what God’s plan is for you? It may not be what you parents want. It may not be what you think society wants. It may not be who you think you should be.

What do you want?  Who are you? God planted the answer right in the middle of your heart, and it’s there for you to access any time you want. Sometimes people have trouble doing this, and that’s a really good reason to ask for my help.

We don’t have to live up to our full potential. No one is making us do that. In fact, we have lots of factors that make it difficult. God wants us to live a truly abundant life. To do that, we must first excavate our Authentic Self. We must step outside of our limiting programming from the past and handle our fears.

To be successful, healthy and loving, we must watch our thoughts and continually upgrade them with more productive self-talk. That’s one part of the equation. But, we are much more than thinking creatures.

You know what is even more important than positive thinking?  Our EMOTIONS. We can reprogram our thoughts until we’re blue in the face, but if our emotions don’t shift, we’re stuck in the same old habits, over and over again.

Emotion (energy in motion) is the power generator of our lives.

When our emotion is driven by our little perceptions, we spiral in insecurity. When our emotion is rooted in our Authentic Self and God, we radiate love, wisdom and authentic power. We become a clear channel though which God expresses.

The power of positive thinking is very helpful, but it is only one small part. Training yourself to do positive thinking is like having a bath tub full of cool water, and then running the hot water to try to get it toasty warm so you can soak in it and relax. It’s take a very long time, and sometimes you will never get warm because there’s too much cold water in your tub.

Our patterns were cemented in place with powerful emotions and memories stored in the cells of our bodies. We must access our emotions and the holding patterns in our physical bodies to make profound shifts … the shifts needed to excavate our Authentic Self.

How do we effectively shift our emotional reactions?  How can we stop being triggered by old fears, worries, and anger? How can we stop being the person we most dislike?

The single most important way to do that is to access our unconscious mind while inviting God to heal us.

How do we reach the unconscious mind? How do we develop a super-highway to God?

Breathwork combined with body-based psychological practices and spiritual healing are the most effective tool I’ve found in my three decades of helping people. You can’t sit around and talk about your issues and expect deep transformation. Repeating the stories of your life one more time isn’t going to do that much good. Complaining about the limiting circumstances of your life won’t change them. Blaming others won’t change them either.

When we heal at depth on all levels at once (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) amongst caring people who know how to support us with wisdom, deep and lasting transformation takes place.

I offer intensive retreats several times a year where you can experience deep transformational work. Or you can schedule a private session.

If your spirit is calling you to evolve to your next level of excellence, if you want to rapidly accelerate your growth, and if you are ready to empower yourself so that your fears don’t get the best of you, please contact me.

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Sincerely committed to awakening your Authentic Self,
Benita A. Esposito, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor, LCMHC